21.

i don't know why, but i always make a big deal of my birthday ): 

i know, it's bad. so unhealthy, so ungodly, so worldly, so-shldn't-be. 

but i can't go by the days before my birthday not knowing what fun things i'm going to do that day, and not having things planned for me to look forward to something.

ew. i'm such a spoilt brat. 

but you probably know that by now already. 

haha. even as i'm writing this, i'm feeling so ... dots. lol. it's so childish and immature of me to worry about such insignificant matter. 

but why 偏偏 i still let these thoughts preoccupy me? 

haha. is it just me, or the fact that.. i'm turning TWENTYONE. 

actually, it's just satan. 

so what do people do when they turn 21? 

duh. they drink. 

but i'm not like every person who gets pleasure and satisfaction in taking shots of alcohol ):

so what if i'm 21? 

boo. the biggest reason why i won't drink is because i hate destroying my body. 

i want my liver to function even when i'm on my death bed. 

and i can't ever give way for 'fetal something syndrome' for my baby in the future! 

that's how important my health is. 

even though there are so many times i could not help it but gave in to chips and cheetos ):

haha. you must be snickering right now, thinking how ridiculous i am for being me. 

well, you're right, so i won't argue. 

seriously, my days of being TWEN-TEEN is almost over. 

boo-hau to the cruel, unprotected, harsh reality in the adult world.

yet hooray to a step closer to finding love, career, children, and God. 

i always say that huh? but until now, i haven't even experienced what it is to be loved by a man. 

seems like every friend i have is either married, engaged, or seeing someone. or the very least, talking to someone (they like). 

and me? 

i was told by God to be obedient and wait "a little longer".

well, you know how God works with his time. 

it's different from our measure of time!

God's "a little longer", is Cindy's "eternity future". 

This is how miscommunication occurs between God and I-- The lack of trust, faith, and not believing. 

In fact, that 3 things are probably the root of all problems between and among people. 

anyhow, God wants me to wait a tat bit longer. 

but He doesn't know how i yearn so much for courtship. 

): 

boo. 

by the time "the time comes", everything is so rushed that there isn't a necessity for courtship because usually in the church life u don't need to date. so i'd probably be off married to some brother after spending 3 weeks of starbucks. and if i'm lucky, another week at coffee bean. 

oh wells. all these anxiety and all wouldn't at all matter no more after i faithfully go through my 2 years of bible school. because at then, these things would no longer be my concern or focus.

what exactly am i beating about the bush about? 

oh. just random. but. is it really really really really abnormal to admire someone for so long?

is it really really a huge unforgiveable, disgusting crime to like someone who barely knows of your existence? ):

you know who i'm talking about. 

but it's really inevitable that he pops in my mind so very often at very random times. 

yes, i should pray. 

but do you think because we are obviously from different planets, so i should give that teeny bit of hope up? ): 

boo. 

if there's one thing i want for my 21'st birthday, is for him to wish me a happy birthday.. 

moments that live

awww~ that was a beautiful day :)

thank you sisters.

好朋友！毕业了。

my dear cousin and sister sia lee came to visit!

this is why i love them :) 

haha. just kidding. you don't think i'm really that shallow, DO you?

anyhow, amen for them! :) 

31st July

For some reason or another, everything falls on July 31st: 

1) FTTA Application Deadline

2) Sayuri leaves for France.

3) Elaine leaves for Singapore. 

4) Korean Final

5) Work

6) Harry Potter's birthday.

Other reasons that may very well ALSO fall on July 31st:

1) Sherry leaves for San Jose to be with her <3 

2) Her <3>3) My favorite Japanese restaurant is unexpectedly closed for the day

4) or. It's open but there's a long line and I have to wait for an hour to eat fresh fish. 

5) or. It's open and I don't have to wait but I am not craving rubbery fresh fish. 

6) or perhaps I crave for the real upper class ZAGAT rated dining place but I have ...

a. no one to dine with me

b. no time to dress up

c. no mood to go

d. no $$ to spend

e. nothing to look forward to. 

7) or. everything works out and I finally set off and there's an accident on the highways and thus traffic. 

there you go. 7 other possible unexpected events to come. 

refuse to continue with my list. but :) as long as i know each passing year brings me closer to meeting my knight and my clinic. 

The Mango Returns

Take #1

Take #2 

Take #3

Hi debora :) above is not the dilemma i said i'll blog about. but anyhows,  i'm just in the mood to tell you about this particular short story that happened! 

so as you can see, the mango returns! 

as you read this, you probably already have a few questions lined up in your head ready to ask me. don't worry, i've put it in words all nicely for you: 

1) "Omg Cindy. How did you feel?" (Before you met him) 

2) "... How did you feel?" (When you are with him) 

3) "... How are you feeling... now?" (Now that you have seen him) 

4) "... so.. what's next? what's gonna happen?" 

5) ".. do you.. do you... ?" (Did you mean whether I still... *ahem* him?) 

it's so funny. i used to like him so much :) 

holding a torch for him for months, but he never liked me that way. 

and because of physical separation, we both no longer exist in the same time, on the same land, with the same schedule anymore. 

you saw how happy i was when he emailed me even if it was only 2-3 sentences after 2-3 weeks.

and you saw how sad i was when i saw that a new girl has entered his life.

and i was never anything special, because truly, it was "out of sight, out of mind". 

anyways. i happily moved on with my life! :)

and then 2 years later. 

The Mango Returns. 

it was only for 2 days though. and we barely spent time to reminisce over the years. 

we met for a quick dinner and he had to catch a bus to go to san jose. 

what can we catch up about in such a short time? 

indeed, there wasn't much updating between us. 

but all i know was that.

the feeling that i had 2 years ago when were spending time as friends, 

IS the same feeling i had a week ago when i met him for that few hours. 

nothing seemed to be different. 

i felt so secure in his presence :)

it's like.. for the past 2 years in LA, i've not gotten that feeling from anybody, at all. 

it's so funny. 

i really like the 'me' with him. 

cause i felt so rested, and in peace. like there's nothing to worry about. 

and it was at that moment that i was reminded again, why i used to like him so much. 

cause he's just unique that way! 

but don't get me wrong. 

i no longer like him that way, or wait for him that way. 

the moment i let him go, i literally, and really, let him go. 

i really really appreciate him as a friend. 

and as someone who made a difference in my life :)

he genuinely cared, and i owe him a debt. 

how can i not tell him about the person who loves me the most?

so i gave him a tract, and wrote to him about the precious one :) 

The one that loves me, loves him too!

pray for him kay. 

i really really want him to get to the full knowledge of the truth. 

i feel like all these time when we were friends, he helped me so much but i couldn't do anything to help him. he has so much problems that he kept it all to himself. 

he doesn't tell me all those, but i hope he can see that there's someone he can depend on for the rest of his life. 

:)

awww deb. you know how i feel right? 

the right way? 

i'm so burdened for him. 

you know he's the only guy good to me. genuinely. 

:)

i believe you know what i mean. 

i owe him so much. 

and i can only give him Christ.